Long Straight Hair - Glamorous?

I caught myself unaware yesterday. I was at my uncle's house and my eldest niece S1 was around. She has jet black, thick wavy hair. And it is shoulder length. Last evening I noticed she had straightened it. I immediately said "You straightened your hair. It looks nice". Little did I realize...

On the long drive back home I got to thinking how I have fallen into the trap of long straight hair being left open as the standard for glamorous hair! My hair has grown almost till my waist now and I feel it looks better straightened. So that's what I have been doing every Sunday for the last couple of weeks. I do not like that I have fallen into this trap and not only that I am passing on the wrong message to a young impressionable girl that hair looks good straightened. That is so so wrong! Will I build up the courage to come to work with wavy hair that looks unmade? I do not know. But I do know that with my maturity if I can fall into the trap how easy it will be for a young teenager like that? The thought is scary...Here I am at 30 with so much more potential to 'grow up'! :-)

I'm in love and always will be...

1. The months have flown by!
   
2. Your eyebrows - a couple of days after you were born and we got you home, I could count the number of hairs in them. Now they have formed so well.
3. Your ears - the day you were born they were flat towards the outside - in a few days (by a week for sure) they were well rounded and curved.
   
4. Your eyes - they opened a little more than a slit when you were born and now they give meaning to the expression - 'smiling with his eyes'. They light up when you smile. And that my baby lights up my life.
5. Your fingers - so so tiny were they! They still are, but a lot more sturdy. They can now pull my hair right out if its roots. They can grab grandma's glasses, grip cables,hold toys, clap. Your fists were closed so tight when you were born, now they open up and clap on their own. I noticed the fine little hair (I counted 5 follicles) on your ring finger. Now i can see the fine hair on your forearm. You will grow up to be a hairy guy!
   
6. Your legs and toes tiny and pink - they kick so strongly now.
7. Your back is sinewy and strong - your body turns with such vigour and at all angles.
8. Your voice - shrill and strong - you can now scream loud enough for the street to hear. And the sounds are so many.
   
9. From my milk to solids you have graduated - I am no longer your sole meal ticket.
   
10. You outgrew your hand me down bodysuits though your teeny little body can still wear shorts meant for 3-6 month olds!
    
11. From swimming on the floor, you are now in swimming class. You even got a sticker for being able to float on your back and kick.
12. I love how there are times when I can soothe you and sing you to sleep.
13. How I know when you are troubled and when you are sleepy.
14. I love the mornings when you wake me up by cooing and saying good morning as 'aaaaaannn'.
15. I love playing with you on the floor rolling generally goofing around.
    
16. I love making you laugh silly.
17. I love everything about you. You are my love, my valentine!

PS - Dearest DT, you more than anyone know how this is on a totally different plane. But again, you are the love of my life!

Of Poo Poo diapers and pee pee diapers!

A few years back I used to hang out with a couple of women from our apartment complex. I overheard one asking the other "Was it a poo poo diaper?" It was the first time I had heard the term and it made me very amused. Today I can talk like that and not bat an eyelid even!

"Today was a good day. He went poo poo da!" so declared a close friend who has very recently become a dad. And I can totally relate to that. Most days when I leave for work at the crack of dawn (sounds dramatic right though dawn is 7 AM for me ;-)) RK is asleep. And when I make the first call home from work one of my standard questions to his grandma is "Nalla vishayam irrukkaa?" (Is there good news today?) And if the answer is no we go on to discuss how many days it has been and if RK should be given gripe water that day. Then we debate on his ability to poo with his dependency on gripe water.

At his 4 month checkup we asked the doc very concerned that RK does not seem to go potty every day and there sometimes is a gap of 4 days. His response - 'not to worry. Breastfed babies do not typically go poo poo every day'. But when they do after a gap it is usually a case of 'messy poo'!! If its been more than 6 days we were asked to send the doc an email. What good that will do I havent got a chance to try yet. Also for the very first few days after they are born breastfed babies pass more stools than babies who are not breastfed. This trend reverses apparently in the next months.

In the initial days after RK was born we would meticulously record every poo/pee. My mom was way too amused with this but seeing how serious we were she took it upon herself to remind us to mark every occasion of poo/pee. I remember her telling my dad about this on the phone and my dad was hysterical. He said "We didn't do all this with her (me) but tell her she turned out just fine!". Yeah, now I see that it was a way to keep us occupied and assure us that all was okay with the baby!

So yeah, those messy poo poo diapers are worth their weight in gold!

A big boy!

RK has grown! And so soon already! When I hold him to nurse, he no longer fits snugly in the space between my arms. His legs extend beyond my body and reach the bed even. His hands ...oh don't get me started! His nails they grow at such a rapid pace. Too much calcium in his diet I'm convinced ;-) And he has started grabbing/scratching any surface that his hands come across - the back of the chair, my arm, my shoulder, my nose, my mouth are all perennial targets! At this stage (5 months already, yeah!) he is exploring the textures of all these surfaces and it is very exciting to him. That is the same reason he gets distracted while nursing. Any sound that is a tad too loud is enough to get him to turn his head in the direction of the sound with a look on his face that I call - "Why, what, who, hmm?" Curious little bundle him! DT is just about banned from making any sound when he comes into the room if I am nursing Roshan.

RK laughs now...it started with a gurgle and now he laughs out loud, chuckles as DT calls it! Things that get him to laugh include --

• Rubbing his belly with our nose/lips
• Pretending to grab his face with my palms (works great for the car!)
• Blowing air on the back of his neck
  
• Playing peekaboo
• His grandparents telling him to say 'amma, appa, tatha, paati etc' with emphasis
  

Hmm... however much I love to see him grow, one part of me feels it is too fast. I want to enjoy every minute of it and yet every minute is new. I feel proud seeing him learn new skills and be able to do new things. Part of that pride definitely comes from knowing that I am providing for him and this is my doing; his 'meal ticket' :-)

He can also lift his neck very well and turn so he is on his tummy. He now effortlessly turns back to be on his back as well! He is a delight when he does this. I also think he is a cautious guy. Twice he turned on to his back on the hardwood floor downstairs and hit his head. From that time he will do it effortlessly on the bed or a blanket but not when he is on a mat on the floor. It amazes me that he has learnt to gauge where he is before trying out his skills.
Another new trick (about 3 weeks old now) is to grab his big toe and suck on that. What strong abs he must have to do that huh!? Its funniest when he tries to do this sitting in his car seat.
He also reacts so strongly to light or more like the absence of it. When we are driving and we pass under an over bridge (typically on the freeway) his eyes open so wide as though compensating for the lack of light. He is so funny! I wonder if he will pick up my poor eyesight and bad teeth. Hmm....he definitely has my hair - not very dark but fine and soft.

Those are my musings about my 5 month old RK. More to come...

Of oil baths and sunny days

I have no memories of being given an oil bath. That's probably because I feigned independence and didn't want my hair oiled from very early on! In fact, I'm sure that's why! And my mother is too sweet to force such things on me.

However with RK it is a weekly event if not biweekly. I wait for the weekend so me and RK can have our oil bath ritual. We typically wait for the sun to be sunny, and the deck to get warm. Then the oil needs to be warmed up. Well, though this is sunny California, most days the coconut oil in its signature blue bottle needs to be microwaved so it can be poured. Then the bath tub is set. The hooded towel (those are so so cute!) is spread on the changing table and another towel ready by the tub. Then RK gets butt naked! I sit on the deck legs straight out in front of me; the green premier sheet (as it it known in my maternal home) covering my legs. Then RK is placed on the green sheet. Oil on my palms and then on to his baby soft skin! Oh how I love exploring the curves on those sweet thighs. I love to rub the oil on those tiny pink feet. The oil glides on that sinewy back and over those strong shoulders full of character. Then some more to massage and shape the head. That is about the only time that hair stays put. I love exploring behind those tiny little ears; so perfectly shaped. I love rubbing that little belly that moves so sweetly when you sleep. I feel lucky to be able to have a deck to sit on and the sun warming us. The rose plants and apple tree in view, it is our very own world, you and me. You will not remember this I know but these oil baths have given me so many memories to cherish. I sometimes feel I know every nook of your tiny perfect body. And the love I feel for you overwhelms me. My baby you will always be.

0-3 months flew by!

And before I knew it, RK is...

1. Holding his feet with his hands
2. Putting his feet up (90 degree angle) and turning to one side
3. Bestowing smiles on all at home
   
4. Quietens down when I sing his fav song. (I think this deserves a separate post!)
5. Scratching his head
   
6. Holding on to objects
7. Recognises Roopa - his blue elephant toy
8. Cries when Roopa is taken away from his sight while he is playing with her
9. Smiles and coos for being lifted
   
10. Turns to follow the sounds
11. Plucks the petals from the roses in our backyard
12. Plays with the wind chime in the backyard
13. Grown out of his 0-3 months clothes
14. Grown out of his fist pair of boots. ( I got one when I was past 20!)

Globalization or back to basics?

This is prompted by emails flowing with my girlfriends. The hot topic being what to pack in the kids lunch boxes. It surprised me (albeit pleasantly) to hear that schools in India also are insisting on healthy snacks and lunch boxes. Same solutions across the globe for a problem that is global and growing!
No more chips or cupcakes allowed. I thought it was only in the US that parents had to bring healthy snacks to games etc. Here there is a concept where it is the turn of one set of parents every week to bring snacks to the field at the end of the game their kid is participating in. And nowadays schools are particular that the snacks be low in sugar, high in fibre, low in sodium, high in protein etc. Besides which there are other restrictions like one cannot take anything with nuts in them since some kids are allergic to nuts. If there are kids allergic to gluten or dairy that is ruled out as well. Makes me think that we are going back to basics in more ways than one. Without the introduction of processed foods there would be no need for these regulations. Don't get me wrong. I think processed foods that make life easy are great. I use them myself. But all this concern about kids becoming obese and growing up with bad food habits comes because we have moved away from some basic practices. That of cooking fresh food!
Here are a couple of ways we at home are going back to basics -
1. Taking reusable bags to buy and bag our groceries. That way we avoid collecting plastic bags. (At least till I run out of them and considering the amount of diapers I am buying that seems like a possibility!)
2. Composting kitchen waste in our backyard. Manure - cheap and free!
(Again I am waiting to see if this will work in winter as well!)

Judgement Day

The other day I could not help but wonder "How long before RK will judge me?!" We instinctively judge all those around us. I am curious as to how we develop this trait. On the rare occasions when I am a witness to this and able to be discerning, I realize it is easy to pass judgement. It is so much more tougher to accept people for what they are. Also there is something to be said of a person who has a position in your life. I will accept an elderly person for their position in my family and not judge them. While I might question them gently or maybe even ignore some things they say I find I do not pass judgment on them. It surprised me when I discovered this is not the case with everyone. My naivety maybe?

Where does one draw the line between accepting people as they are and making a suggestion to them to improve their quality of life? When does this helpful/caring attitude become callous and insensitive? Is it partly born out of a feeling of superiority of self? How do we get there? Is it ironic that we do not even think of passing judgment to the face of someone we know will shoot back a sharp repartee. But we are free with telling off those that are more meek and merely seek to defend themselves?
Will I be judged by my children? Right away I can see that I will be on one level. This is where I am considered the "good" mom or the "bad" mom depending on their social skills, behavior, performance, appearance etc etc. But on a deeper level when some one says "You are so very different from your child" and then proceeds to tell them how this child is in a sense better than them, is that fair? How much guilt should the child feel? Should I feel guilty for using my support system (read parents and their social interactions) as fodder for becoming what I am? In a sense bettering myself?For learning from their mistakes. For learning what not to do? isn't that what all kids do? Use their parents as crutches and then learn to stand and even run on their own two feet?

At the bottom of all this is the thought "Am I guilty of building this nice, cosy life for myself away from some of my responsibilities?" My parents have always shielded me from the hardships of their day to day lives. And I have taken that cue and built this life for myself that is truly ideal in so many ways. Is that not a good thing or the right thing? I am not sure there is a straight answer here.

Baby's day out!

And my baby had his first trip to the mall. It is only fair that we take him to the mall for his first real outing, him being a US citizen and all. BTW, I have decided that he will be a democrat and when I asked he voted for Obama over Clinton. I wonder if that is because he is a guy and at this age they tend to be gender biased!

So, RK was fed, changed (into one of his three blue suits!), strapped into the car seat and carted off. I was sure we had everything we needed. Diaper bag fully packed, outfitted with spare clothes, diapers, wipes, washcloth, burp cloth, butt wipes;u name it! We had water and sandwiches. (Hee hee....typically desi phamily outing eh??). We had even taken jackets knowing it would be chilly by the time we got back. And finally we left home! Hubby tried to run the first red light but I stopped him. So no excitement there. A few exits down I remembered"But we didn't take the stroller!". And back we went. But I must say RK rose to the occasion sleeping through all the stops, the noise and the heat. And once again we set off. Ironic though the first place we took him to was 'Walmart'. Aakhir RK has to be an ABCD na??!! Like my mom rightly commented "There are so few 'velaikaara' (white people) at this place". To top that I fed him right outside Walmart in the parking lot. Other than the fact that I had to twist at odd angles to drape the coverall, hold him and still fit in the little gap between the car seat and the door it was okay I guess. He fed well and pretended this was no different. Atta boy RK! We bought him his first pair of shoes too. Totally indulgent buy, but hubby couldn't resist.
Then we took him to the mall. He was a happy camper looking at everything and absorbing all the sights and sounds. And a stop at the mall is never quick with me. End result it was time for his next feed as we were heading back. This time RK had it! Wailing in the back seat inconsolably. And out came the weapon Never before used - the pacifier. I was sitting in the front seat tears streaming down my cheeks feeling guilty as hell! My mom was feeling v bad and was saying things like "Poor guy", "he's swallowing his own spit" etc etc. That made it worse. I didn't even feel so bad when I gave him a nosebleed. And that has been my guiltiest moment as a mom to date. From what my mom says many more are to follow. She told me once "As a mother you are forever feeling guilty" !
So all the mom;s out there, take heart. Enjoy the moments and know that it is okay. Guilt comes from the womb! Don't take it to heart.

The early spring of 2008

The day was here. The doctors had given you enough time or so they thought. They were ready to force you out. I relished the kicks and movements with the knowledge that I would miss them. I willed and waited for you to make the first move. Alas that was not to be.
En route to the hospital I swear I could see the first shoots of spring on the trees that line the center divider of the streets. Trees that were bare and brown had the faintest sign of green all across. Some a little more obvious than others. Some shy of their blossoming youth and changing image. I wondered if you were the shy kind as well. I always wanted you to decide when you were ready to take on this world. Now that I know you a little better (or do I) I think you were just content. You were living in the moment. You liked where you were and wanted to savour it a tad more. I think you like to enjoy the finer things in life; a little like your father. You do not have the 'hurricane' gene in you. You might be the kinds who needs a little push. Nevertheless, once you had that initial push and the stars all lined up, you excelled. You and me together we made it happen.
The fact that you had a bunch of hair on your head was a shocker I will admit! Going by the old wives tale about hair and heartburn I had pretty much decided that you would be born bald. My mom's stories of me and my brother being born bald added to the myth. Bah! How could I think you would take after me? Everyone and I mean everyone even on my side of the family agrees that you look so much like your father. I don't say that with any bitterness mind you. I think your father is a good looking man so you got lucky there! ;-) In fact within a couple of hours of your birth I was the first to tell your dad that. I said "I think he looks like you"! The pride on his face and in his voice is a Kodak moment (albeit with audio) in my head as he responded with "Yeah?" It amazes me; the power you have to bring forth something that strong and primal.

On the way back home with you I noticed the trees again. They seemed to be just a little more green. Like they were welcoming you into this world. One more spring baby. Officially spring started the weekend after you were born. But to me, the spring of 2008 will always be on the day I noticed the little green leaves trying to make their way into this world. The day I knew that you would come into our lives and change it forever. And even then I knew, that once you were here it would be as though life was always this way.

And I never thought I would...

- Talk about my labor to any mom or to be mom who shows the slightest interest
- Talk about my son to all who ask about him. Yes, they expect me to talk about him when they ask but I am pretty sure I talk much more than they expect
- Not call my girlfriends for extended periods of time. Me who advises every girl that gets married how important it is that she keep in touch with her girlfriends, blah blah...and here I am - preaching only and not practicing.
- Feel that I know what and how best to care for my son. Needless to say on numerous occasions when I have been out my mom has fed, burped, changed and rocked him to sleep even. But when I am home, I know best and I dole out advice freely. (tongue in cheek!)
- Sing songs personalized to the moment and my son.
- Invent 'cute' versions of words that do not exist in any dictionary. Warning to my better half that I might argue for the use of these words in a future scrabble game. One that I particularly love is 'Wakey!'.
- Apply baby terms to my actions. E.g.- "I need to go pee pee". (I know! I think so too!!!)

Mommy Essentials

En route to my follow up appointment with my gynec, I could not help wondering what one would do without a breast pump. I love the confidence of having a bottle or two ready for my baby when I have to step out. Though I haven't started work yet, it gives me the peace of mind for such occasions.

Another one is the boppy pillow. My shoulders and arms are so thankful to this U shaped pillow that can pretty much hold a new born. Of course, I wonder how long I will be able to use this before my tall lil fella outgrows it. But nevertheless, I love the boppy pillow. BTW, there is a newer version of it out there called (I kid you not!) 'My Brest Friend'.

The wipe warmer - ooh...I wish there was an adult version of this (that doesn't sound right!) that I could use for warming toilet paper. Wouldn't that be a boon???

Travel Diaper Dispenser - This one was a baby shower gift and I love it! It is a little ducky with a set of tiny disposable scented bags attached to its bottom. The bags peel off very much like the bag roll at a grocery store (tear at the perforation kinds!). This contraption is about the size of my hand and is perfect to carry around in the diaper bag. Each scented bag stores one diaper and can be used to dispose it off easily wherever we are. How cool is that!

A parallel train of thought that runs through my head is I cannot imagine how mommies have survived centuries without the above. Well, that's a little exaggerated one might add but think about it. I accept most of these as being needed and essential. My mom would smirk at me if she was the smirking kind. She sweetly says she doesn't even remember how those days went by.